I am anything but the target demographic of the new brand called, painfully, Man Cereal. I know the creators of this concoction are not trying to sell me this breakfast. I don’t know this because I asked, but because the cereal’s branding basically screams, “BRO, THIS WILL JACK UR DELTS.” The box features bold, black typography and a solitary cereal puff against a white background. The website commands you to “add some balls to your breakfast.” And for the low-low price of $58 per pack of three, you can feast on 2.5 mg of creatine per serving. If a cereal could do a chest thump, this one would.
But I, a 40-year-old cisgender woman, am eternally curious and newly into weightlifting. And sure, perhaps I’m still susceptible to the quiet lure of a product that claims it will give humans (or just men?) more energy and muscle gains, and/or otherwise compensate for the slow and steady creep of middle age. Also, I am a wellness journalist; trying weird things on purpose is basically a work requirement.
So after being served one too many macho ads while scrolling through weightlifting routines on Instagram, I decided to see what high-protein, creatine-loaded, absurdly marketed Man Cereal could do for me.
Why creatine … in breakfast?
Before I took my first dusty bite, I texted my friend Dr. Swapna Ghanta, who has the calm, measured demeanor of someone who regularly explains life-and-death medical decisions. Her take was swift and decisive: She would not touch Man Cereal with a 10-foot spoon.
She thinks creatine in general is over-marketed these days, and says that “unless someone has a specific medical deficiency, they definitely don’t need this thing. There are likely other ways to supplement your diet to achieve the same results. But most people can have enough protein through their diet."
Ghanta also finds "the gendered marketing very ick.” (In the online FAQ, the creators behind Man Cereal write, “We made Man Cereal with men in mind — high protein, creatine, no soy. Because most guys don’t get enough of what fuels strength and focus. But it’s not off-limits to anyone — women can (and do) eat it too. In fact, creatine has been shown to have even more benefits for women. It’s cereal for all mankind!” OK, then.)
Of course, I had to poll an Actual Man as well. Sports nutrition expert Chris Lockwood told me he would be willing to try the cereal, but “with skepticism.”
A few red flags gave him pause, such as Man Cereal’s nutrition facts panel: It claims that the cereal “reduces inflammation.” But “the FDA,” Lockwood explains, “only permits inflammation claims for drugs, which makes this a notable regulatory red flag.”
On the creatine count, however, Lockwood, who has a PhD in exercise physiology, is much more pro- than Ghanta. “My first textbook chapter [I wrote] in 2002 was on creatine, and much of my research has focused on protein, so I’m a fan of both ingredients,” he says. “Creatine directly affects energy and anabolic systems that fuel and rebuild active tissue, so you can argue for combining it with a quality protein. But in practice, combining whey and creatine is more about convenience than necessity.”
Lockwood also notes that for folks who already consume a diet high in quality animal proteins, “you may not notice additional benefit from creatine.”
Overall, his verdict on the cereal is … underwhelmed: “Do I love the concept? Yes,” Lockwood says. “Do I want to believe the nutrition facts panel is accurate and that consumers are getting a full 2.5 grams of creatine monohydrate per serving through expiration? Yes. Am I confident without seeing evidence of quality control and stability testing? Unfortunately, no.”
The Man Cereal taste test
The first morning, I started with the Maple Bacon flavor, which seemed unique, at least. As I poured the cereal into my bowl, I noticed a few things immediately: The pieces are … large. The smell is faint, as if the manufacturer wanted to avoid triggering any association with actual food. And perhaps most noticeably, Man Cereal is hard. Seriously, it’s the crunchiest cereal I’ve ever tasted, and eating it feels like not-fun work. This cereal is not for the weak, which is perhaps the point.
Taste-wise, it’s … honestly pretty awful. Very “compressed cardboard with a hint of vanilla whey.” The creatine-boosted crunch left a gritty after-texture that feels like it might still lurk in my mouth until I die.
And no, I assure you my immediate distaste for this stuff was not a Woman Thing. I pinged my male colleague Derek Flanzraich, a health marketing expert, healthy-ish man-about-town and creator of the popular 5 Healthyish Things weekly newsletter, because I knew that he, too, had been intrigued enough to do a Man Cereal taste test. "I do think they did a good pre-launch rollout/PR," he told me. "If you've got an audience, you simply must try something called Man Cereal."
But the actual taste test? Flanzraich agreed it’s stunningly bleak. "Unfortunately, it tastes like drywall. And I'd rather eat drywall," he said. Flanzraich added that he will not continue to eat the cereal, despite the admirable protein content. "I tried all three flavors and then immediately threw them out." I felt the same way about the Maple Bacon flavor and its brothers, Salted Fudge and Fruity.
And yet, all that protein — each box has 15 to 16 grams of protein, plus the creatine — is nothing to sneeze at, especially for a working parent who often realizes at 4 p.m. that all she’s eaten is the crust of her kid’s leftover waffle. Would there be a way for me to make this palatable?
By Day 3, I was layering the cereal with fruit, yogurt, honey, even peanut butter — anything to trick my brain into believing I was consuming a normal breakfast and not monkfruit-sweetened compressed dust.
End of week: Existential questions arise
On the penultimate morning, while chewing what felt like my 4,000th bite, I found myself feeling more tired and more brain-mushed than before I had started the supposedly brain-sharping creatine cereal. Of course, this could have been based solely on how much I missed real breakfast.
The thought spiral was real: Why IS food marketing so stupidly gendered? Why do men get “muscle-building cereal” and women get “glow granola with collagen dust”? Why can’t we all just eat food that isn’t pretending to be its own wellness personality on TikTok??
Also: Why am I so hungry? Is this creatine helping or hurting? (I texted Ghanta, my doctor friend. She did not think it was helping.)
By the final morning, I stared at the box and realized something: I had, finally, grown … indifferent. Yes, I could eat this drywall cereal one more brain-numbing day. Just like we can eventually do pretty much anything we get accustomed to doing repeatedly. Humans somehow adapt.
Would I eat Man Cereal again?
No, I would not. The creatine felt unnecessary, I was not noticing mad gains at the gym, the taste never improved and I never want to look at three boxes (because multipacks are cheaper) of macho cereal in my cupboard ever again.
It’s not that I hate protein or creatine. It’s the arbitrary gender-non-inclusiveness, and mostly, it’s just the taste. And as Ghanta wisely noted, most people can meet their protein needs through normal food.
Lockwood sums up Man Cereal’s product attempt succinctly and magnanimously: “Sometimes, enthusiasm outpaces the technical, regulatory and quality expertise needed to fully deliver the vision.”
But I did learn something important. If you give me a food item marketed aggressively as Not For Me, I will, out of pure contrarianism, try it. Once.